


Say Goodbye and Go

by Bellenoir



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, F/M, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Loss, Love, Love Confessions, One Shot, Protective Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 16:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9556754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellenoir/pseuds/Bellenoir
Summary: James Barnes has had a very unpredictable life,  he reminisces about the woman he fell in love with, and what loss feels like.I got the idea for this from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEM_2LW_nRo&index=42&list=PLXWn0wLOH6VePZwfMX_Zy0uPMsZnw0ITVThank you: Here_To_Be for betaing this one 'A' you're the best <3





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Here_To_Be](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Here_To_Be/gifts).



[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEM_2LW_nRo&list=PLXWn0wLOH6VePZwfMX_Zy0uPMsZnw0ITV&index=42](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEM_2LW_nRo&list=PLXWn0wLOH6VePZwfMX_Zy0uPMsZnw0ITV&index=42%20) : Listen as you're reading totally sets the tone, or watch it first great video!!!

Sometimes what we're given, isn't always what we hope for; the hopes and dreams we have will change throughout our lives, and what we're left with is what we call life. I shouldn't have held on to her as long as I did, I sacrificed so much, and all I wanted in return is someone to come home to. She was my guiding star, my soul mate, my always and forever, and now she's gone. It's been a year, a year since she fell, sacrificing herself for a cause she believed in and I don't know if she knows how much she meant to me. I'll never forget her smile, how patient she was, how loving and how much she made life real, not just a dream. Steve worries too much, he thinks that I'll just stop living if he isn't around, he thinks that she was my only reason to wake up. Maybe at first, sure, it was hard to even look them in the eyes, my team mates. I still see her facing me, watching me with unshed tears, we were in an impossible situation and she gave us the energy we needed, that extra bit of power to help us overcome the Hell we were facing, insurmountable odds, isn't that what they call it? Her eyes were the most amazing shade of brown, she hated her eyes she said that she was statistically boring, 55% of the population had them, to me her eyes were the warmth of a fire on a cold day, they were the first rays of sun coming through a forest, her eyes were the windows to my soul. We pushed each others buttons, daily, but we were evenly matched. She took my sarcasm and dark humor with a grain of salt, she wasn't perfect neither of us were, she matched it with snark and cynicism, that I wouldn't expect from someone so young. She was gifted, she was able to amplify energy; she was like a succubus in some ways, feeding off energy, but she was also able to give it back. The battle wasn't going well, we were vastly outnumbered, there wasn't a portal to close to stop them, just her, our hail mary. I'll never forget her smile, the warmth it held, the teasing smile she'd send me when we would train together. I'll never forget the time we had together.

 

_\----flash back---- 1 year ago_

“ _You're not doing this.” James said as he dove between two boulders._

“ _Who's going to stop me? We already have a verifiable army on our ass!” Roselyne said._

“ _If I have to tie you down and leave you in a bunker I will.” James added, he fired two grenades underneath the nearest tanks that had been advancing on them._

“ _Kinky. We don't have time, Thor already said that he wasn't sure if he had enough power to turn the tide. It has to be me, I can take what ever energy they're running off of and shut them down.” Roselyne said._

“ _At what cost?” James asked. “Not everything has a price we can pay.”_

“ _Stark!” Roselyne said. “I need a lift.”_

“ _Kinda busy right now, trying not to, you know, die.” Tony replied. The clear noise of his repulsors came over the comms as bips, and fizzes._

“ _Do you see their base?” Roselyne asked._

“ _I do.” Tony said. “Why?”_

“ _I need you to blow a hole in the side and drop me in.” Roselyne replied._

“ _No, no you're not doing this.” James said. He grabbed his two remaining knives and struck the two cyborgs in their power sources. He watched as she drained the life out of the cyborgs that had her surrounded. For a moment time stood still, her hair began floating out around her head, the bright red high lights she had shone brilliantly in the light, her eyes softly glowed and her back bowed backwards as she took in the energy. She was a walking rechargeable battery, she could either give the energy to others or use it as an offensive or defensive weapon. “Stark find another way to shut them down.”_

“ _Stark blow a hole, I can get in myself!” Roselyne yelled._

“ _Roselyne we're on our way, if you can hold them off, we can finish this.” Steve called. “Hold them, we'll be there in 2 minutes.”_

“ _Roselyne, don't do this, the team is almost here.” James called. He watched as she used her energy to propel herself forward towards the base, she moved like a blur._

“ _I'm in, give me a few moments to locate the power source.” Roselyne called.“Found it! Tony are they controlled by the energy?”_

“ _Still working on that, they are hybrids of the purest, fucking hell, sense.” Tony said. The telltale whine of his repulsor's turned into a barrage that sounded like high tech machine gun fire. A rat-a-tat-tat of pure energy being formed into short bursts to eliminate his targets. “I think their physical bodies can survive without the energy that plant is putting out, but I'm not 100 % sure.”_

“ _I need back up!” Roselyne called.“They don't like me messing with their power source, merde, this is intense.” {shit}_

“ _Wanda, Cap you're closest to her.” Tony said. “Barnes, watch out, if they touch you they'll short your arm!”_

“ _I'm in the basement, why is it always the basement? Like hello 'Villains 'R' Us', does it always have to be the basement? Why can't it be a nice kitchenette or Hell a stock room?!” Roselyne joked. “I have them held off, I've never took in this much energy, it's like touching a live wire.”_

“ _Roselyne, hold on we're almost there.” Wanda said._

_As Roselyn harvested the energy, the cyborgs seemed to be slowing down, as if they were being drained of their energy._

“ _Whatever you're doing, keep doing it Roselyne!” Tony shouted. “They're slowing down.”_

“ _Wanda, Steve get clear. Everyone get clear.” Roselyne said. “I can shut them down.”_

“ _Uh, Roselyne, you can't take that much energy.” Tony said._

“ _Get everyone clear Tony, I have to try.”Roselyne said._

“ _Not an option, I'm almost to you.” James said as he made his way to her. He saw that she was levitating in the middle of the room, she was encompassed in a field of energy. Her eyes were full of power, and the room felt heavy, as if the oxygen was being compressed._

“ _James you have to get clear.” Roselyne said._

“ _Not without you.” James said. Her eyes were glowing now, they were a vibrant jade green, energy was crackling down her arms as she raised them above her head._

“ _I can't protect you, James you have to get clear.” Roselyne said._

“ _Not. Without. You.” James stated again, he took a step towards her and he felt the floor shift. A piece of concrete that they stood on began lifting into the air. He took another step and watched as she began directing the energy back into the generator. The deep jade of her eyes began to fade as she pushed the energy back into the generator, he could see that the generator was going to blow. “Roselyne, that's enough, you have to get clear!”_

“ _Jamie, I'll protect you as best as I can, they won't die from losing their power source, I can stop them. You have to get clear, this building is coming down.”Roselyne said as she smiled at him, a ruthless grin that usually meant she was about to do something dangerous._

“ _Out of all the fucking people, I'm stuck with two idiots with no sense of self preservation.” James said aggressively._

“ _Thor!” Roselyne called. “Get him out of here, I can't hold it, and he won't survive.”_

“ _No you can't order me away.” James said as Thor landed next to him._

“ _Thor, get him out of here!” Roselyne said, she looked at James before her admission. “Jeg elsker dig James.” {I love you}_

“ _As you wish.” Thor said._

_Thor grabbed him and pulled him up as he swung his hammer and ascended into the sky above them. Once they were clear she directed the necessary energy into the generator and forced more power directly into it, a few seconds went by before the building began to explode. Chunks of twisted rebar, concrete, metal and wood exploded outwards before being sucked back in. Roselyn floated over the destruction, she reabsorbed the explosive energy and took it back into herself, she looked ethereal. Like a goddess. Her body was encased in a halo of soft light, her hair floated around her, she looked eternal and everlasting._

“ _Herd them to me, as many as you can.”Roselyne said.“I have enough energy to take them out!”_

_It wasn't a hard task to get the rest of the cyborgs to head towards her._

“ _They seem to have noticed that you destroyed their base.” Tony said he swapped to a private comm channel before he continued. “Roselyne, you know you can't handle this amount of power.”_

“ _I know Tony, I'm sorry, can you see another way to end this?” Roselyne asked, she began pouring some of the energy into destroying the immediate threats in her vicinity. She saw that Thor had dropped James off towards the edge of where the cyborgs were clustering around her._

“ _No, I was hoping that they were going to fall apart once their power grid was destroyed. He won't survive without you, you have to know that.” Tony replied. “Shit, Widow and Falcon are down and out.”_

“ _I don't see another way Tony, give him that letter, please.” Roselyne said as she looked at Tony. They fought back to back as they began eliminating their targets. “Duck!”_

“ _Thanks for the save.” Tony said, he met her eyes and saw the fear in them.“You can give it to him after we're done.”_

“ _Pretty to think so.” Roselyne replied, she met James' eyes across the battlefield._

“ _Cap's hit!” Sam called out._

“ _Tony get to him!” Roselyne called out. “I can handle this.”_

_James had been in war, fighting in the trenches, then as a sniper with the Commando's, but the carnage around him now would be remembered as legendary. His only goal was to take down as many enemy combatants as he could so he could get to her. He stood 10 feet from her when he watched her meet his eyes, her back bowed as a bullet caught her in the chest. He watched as her eyes widened before they took on a stubborn glare. He watched as she forced more energy into the ground as she fell to her knees, a shock wave took out anything in the 10 foot radius around her. He saw her on her knees looking up towards the sky, he didn't remember taking those last few steps to her, he cradled her in his arms._

“ _MEDIC!!” James yelled, he held her against him and began applying a pressure dressing to her chest. “Stay with me, you're going to be fine.”_

“ _Tis but a flesh wound.” Roselyne said with a faint smile. “I'm sorry.”_

“ _Got nothin' to be sorry for doll.” James said as he held her, he pulled a pistol out and began firing at the remaining targets. He pressed a tender kiss to her temple.“Just stay with me.”_

“ _Jamie, remember when we first met?” Roselyne asked, a faint smile graced her lips._

“ _You threw me into a wall.” James said with a soft smile._

“ _After you insinuated that us newbies couldn't pin you.” Roselyne said as her eyes grew heavier; she was struggling to stay concious._

“ _You've always proved me wrong.” James said, the pressure dressing was already soaked and her pallor was fading quickly, he could feel her blood soaking into his tactical pants. “Prove me wrong again, beat the odds doll.”_

“ _Jamie, if we had forever, I'd want that with you.” Roselyne said, she reached up to gently touch his cheek. Blood trickled from her lips, and dripped onto his arm._

“ _Fight Roselyne, you're a fighter, fight!” James bit out harshly._

“ _Thor, slam your hammer on my shield.” Steve called. A shock wave from their combined efforts took out a few of the cyborgs in their immediate vicinity. “They're not stopping!”_

“ _I have to do this.” Roselyne said with a sad smile, tears gathered in her eyes, but they didn't fall. “I need them all within 10 feet of me.”_

“ _Form up around Roselyne, be within 10 feet of her.” James called._

_She stood up with James' help and began pushing the rest of the energy into eliminating the remaining cyborgs. She could feel her body begin to fade as she pushed the remaining energy into a shield, she surrounded her team, her friends, her soul, her James. She pushed harder with one hand keeping the cyborgs off of them, and with the other she pushed energy back into the ground. It was like hearing a sonic boom, a ripple ran through the remaining horde of cyborgs, as if they were all riding the same shock wave. When the dust settled James cradled her against his chest, he looked down at her and saw that a faint smile graced her lips, blood had leaked from her lips and nose, a sign that she overexerted herself. When he met her eyes, they were filled with awe, and sadness._

 

“ _You did it, Roselyne, you did it.” James said, he stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Roselyne? Baby doll?”_

 

_Her eyes stared at the sky unblinking, her body was limp against him, he immediately began to search for a pulse._

“ _Roselyne, you can't leave, stay here, please.” James begged. “Please baby-doll, I can't do this without you.”_

_Silence was his only answer, he closed her eyes for the final time, before he let out a gut wrenching scream. The encompassing cry was piercing, crescendoing with a wail that conveyed  deep set pain, anger, and loss. He clutched her tightly against his chest, refusing to let anyone touch her. He rocked her against his chest as if that simple motion would wake her once more. He pressed soft kisses to the crown of her head, as he carried her bridal style to the quinjet. Steve tried to get him to release her body once they returned home._

“ _Come on Buck.” Steve begged. “You have to let her go.”_

“ _No.” James growled out._

“ _Buck, please they need to take the body.” Steve coaxed. Steve hadn't seen Bucky this rattled in years, his movements were jerky and harsh._

“ _It isn't some body, her name is Roselyne. Roselyne Devereux. свет моей жизни.” James said. {The light of my life}_

“ _I know, they have to take her now. Come on Buck, you can see her after you get cleaned up.” Steve said._

“ _What am I going to do now?” James asked, his voice sounded broken. “What's left to live for now Steve?”_

“ _Don't think about that now, just get cleaned up.” Steve said. “I'll be with you every step of the way.”_

_\-----flashback end-----_

“One year down, feels like yesterday you were in my arms. I still haven't read that letter you left me, I guess if I read it, it means you're really gone. Forever, and I'm not ready to accept that.” James said as he swirled in the remaining whiskey in his glass. "Sometimes I swear I can still hear you, hear your voice, hear you walking around, hear your laughter; that one stings the most."

 He ran his mechanical hand across his eyes, a subtle ray of light caught the diamond in the center of his arm as he moved. When she died, he had her body turned into a diamond, he had it permanently imbedded in the star, so she'd always be with him. In life and in death they were bound together. 

“We didn't have enough time, I blamed you for leaving me. I know why you did it, you saved everyone that day, but I still blamed you for leaving me. There's not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about you Roselyne, you were the one for me, my one and only. Wanda called us soul mates, reckon she's probably right, sure feels like half my soul is missing. We'll see each other again baby doll, I love you wherever you are, and I hope you're at peace.”[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEM_2LW_nRo&list=PLXWn0wLOH6VePZwfMX_Zy0uPMsZnw0ITV&index=42](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEM_2LW_nRo&list=PLXWn0wLOH6VePZwfMX_Zy0uPMsZnw0ITV&index=42%20)

James drained the rest of his whiskey before he walked towards his bedroom. He turned on the bedside lap and saw a photo of her, she was sitting in his lap with her head thrown back as she was laughing. He saw the love in his eyes whenever he looked at that photo. There were others throughout his apartment that he refused to take down. Steve constantly badgered him to cleanse his apartment to help move on, or so he said. A ring box sat next to the other photo, they were in black tie affair outfits smiling lovingly at each other, it had been taken a week before she died. A pale blue box wrapped with a white ribbon held a ring he had bought almost two years prior. An engagement he never got to plan, he should have asked sooner, he shouldn't have wasted so much time. He placed the letter in front of the photos and under the ring, maybe next year he'd get around to reading it.

 

"Good night Roselyne, may sweet dreams find you, and may we meet again." James said

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for giving this a shot, this is my first one shot, usually I have a problem with being able to write something short so this was fun. I know it's so insanely sad, the poor guy has suffered quite a bit but I couldn't get it out of my head so boom here's some feelings. I appreciate you taking the time to read my work, thank you.
> 
> Find me on tumblr: https://bellenuit45.tumblr.com/post/154249721931/masterlist-3


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